The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
