No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
