I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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