did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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