so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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