My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
