he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
