You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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