I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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