I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
