Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
