i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
