Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
