What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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