It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
