i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
