Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
