walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
