I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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