Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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