I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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