Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize