Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
