so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
