I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
