Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
