this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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