why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
