Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
