Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
third nipple confirmed
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
