Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
