yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
