i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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