Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
