Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
