I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
