i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
