dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
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I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
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There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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