I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
