Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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