How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
