Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it's like iHOP with fire
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
