remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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