do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
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