Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
