I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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