Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
