I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
