So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
