uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
