census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
