Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
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how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
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apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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