You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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