apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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