I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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