can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
