before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
