Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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