his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
