What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
