I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
